Oh! the melodic words of Adele. They are simply true like that kind of truth that is blatant, but it's always shadowed by lies or feelings. ? maybe? Does that make any sense? probably not. Well let's see... it's Oct. 23 and I still have the same crush that I wrote about in my last post... He was talking to this girl for awhile- a beautiful girl. She was pretty much perfect when it came to looks! Skinny, average height, pretty teeth, pretty eyes. It's ridiculous! If you stood her and I side by side you'd know the one to pick- her. But I always thought that I had the personality key.. I'm funny, I'm not always serious, I am smart and know general day to day news, I am..different. I love to go to speech and debate tournaments, I would rather watch a good performance in DI then watch a stupid football game, although I do love football. The point is, I thought I was a "good" different.. I thought I stood out in a crowd compared to bleach blond, cheerleaders and all that stereotypical nonsense. I guess not..
The guy I have crushed on since the summer still doesn't even know I am alive!! It's like I'm nonexistent. I see him almost every week, and we'll laugh and have a good time together, but I don't feel special to him.
To be honest, I had gotten over him when school started, but now... I don't know if it's just loneliness or a genuine liking for him. He's ego is quite obnoxious when I think it... always bragging about something.. but besides that, he seems like a good guy. I don't know... I deserve better I suppose. This guy doesn't even give me the time of day to even look at me, or text me back, or even talk to me on a regular basis. I DO deserve better than this. I DO deserve someone to pay attention to me, and I not have to chase after some stupid, egotistical guy.
I tell myself this same thing OVER and OVER and OVER again and somehow- I still have feelings for him. I'm not stupid. I know he's not that into me, but I guess the part of me that is never satisfied just has to have HIM.
I guess this all falls into a deeper level of contemplation... being satisfied. But that's an entirely different post.
