THIS IS WHY I HATE HAVING CRUSHES. Right at this moment, I am sitting in bed, listening to Trouble by Coldplay. It's a great depressing song that actually makes me think about the reality of this situation. When I say situation I mean this giant ache in my heart that makes me almost sick to my stomach. This sick feeling always comes to me when I think that I could be savoring up all of these feelings for this one guy, and he won't like me in return. It hurts to think that I'm actually doing this to myself- that I'm actually putting myself in a position to be hurt. Why do I do that to myself- Why does ANYone do that to themselves..? Because I and most everyone long to be with someone that they like or see themselves with. I see myself with this guy... but I feel like I'm getting mixed signals or no signals at all that I just think are signals because I want to think that they are good signals. He texts another girl the entire time he's with me. He only texts me to ask if I wanna get together with him and other guys... He asks me if I'm going to go places. He uses sarcasm with me that kind of is like flirtatious. NOTHING is clear to me. I'm so confused right now. For some reason my mind is telling me to not waste my time on this, but I say that about every opportunity guy and I feel like I'm missing out on something. Isn't it alright to have a little fun to get out there and flirt and have fun with potential guys? The problem is the possibility of being hurt. I don't even know if he's a good match for me. I'd probably be like his best friend... I want to be his ONE. I just want to be someone's ONE. I want to be the girl that one guy will be so proud and feel blessed to have. I want to feel like we were made for each other. I want to feel like it was God that brought us together in some mysterious and rather strange way that we could tell our children... and then we could laugh and sit in awe how blessed we are to have such a great God. That is my heart's most desire... I've heard it's normal for a girl to always long and need a relationship... After all, that is how we were designed.. but sometimes I wonder, what are guys wanting? is there hope for finding a guy to have the rest of my life with? I'm such an impatient person, but this is constantly on my mind. I feel alone... :/